Stages of Grief

It has come to my attention recently, that I have traveled through the stages of grief...grief over losing the relationship I thought I would have for the rest of my life. I have a little bit different take on it than Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, so here are my phases:

1) Shock - at the initial news

2) Denial - for the next 20 years ("He doesn't have MS...)

3) Depression - when I realized things were not going to get better

4) Anger - still coming out of that phase

5) Acceptance - getting into this phase now, with my Lenten journey, and looking for peace.

Stress as a Way of Life

One of the things I have learned is that stress has become a way of life for our family. MS patients cannot handle stress very well, so I end up absorbing most of it. With three teenage daughters, the level is high! Our middle daughter, Julianne, is very high-spirited. I once read a book that described these kids as the "barometer of the family." They are beautiful, funny, witty, smart, and VERY perceptive. Juli is also very tactile and sensory, noticing details that would easily slip past me. However, when things are not going well, Julianne's behavior is affected. The other girls act out in different ways, but Julianne is very expressive. Steve, the calm and gentle man I married, has become angry and frustrated (understandable), easily losing his temper, with a tendency to yell. Kids learn by example and Julianne has adopted this habit, on occasion, when her needs are not met. Yelling is also more of a way of life for me, as the stress of life builds. We are all getting better with a concerted effort. Where Jules is concerned, I realize that it is not personal, nor is she trying to upset things. She is just a person who makes sure her needs are met and you have to respect that in a young woman!

Overwhelmed? Prioritize

Recently, a businessman who was soliciting business from me, emailed multiple documents for me to fill out. After a few days without a response, he sent another email the next day apologizing. He commented that he had spoken with his boss and was afraid that he had overdone it, because "REALTORs are often overwhelmed." Wow, that struck a cord with me! I had never thought of it in precisely those words, but I have been overwhelmed for almost two decades now. Having three children seems like a lot for anyone. However, three kids, a handicapped husband AND a business is definitely overwhelming! There has been a tremendous life lesson learned from this situation, though. Priorities took precedence and the small things did not matter. For instance, making the bed has not happened since I started working. When I have to choose between feeding the kids or dusting the desk, the choice is easy. Some people fantasize that they have total control, but that has been lacking in my life, since the birth of our third daughter. Let go, Laura.

The Future is Bright

This photo is of our three daughters. They are amazing young women who drive my ambition to have a better life, a better marriage, a better future and to be a better person. Their dad, my husband Steve, has Multiple Sclerosis. Because of this, they have learned to be more compassionate, sensitive, giving people. It has been a beautiful lesson, learned through pain and suffering. Being a spouse of someone with MS, I have fought to keep our family in-tact through very tough times. It is worth it!